The mask we all wear

Does your inner monologue reflect your outward persona? In other words, do your thoughts reflect what you tell others, or do you project a certain image to others in your appearance and speech that does not reflect how you are actually thinking and feeling? Lately, I felt a bit of a disconnect between these two things. I feel that I need to disguise my thoughts from the real world; to wear a mask so to speak, The reason for this disconnect is simple, I am ashamed of my thoughts.
Lately, I have felt hopeless. I am not sure where this sense of hopelessness is coming from, but I can’t help but feel that nothing matters. In response, I have felt paralyzed. However, I feel like I can’t express these emotions or thoughts because people wouldn’t understand. They’ll tell me to get over it or be strong. Sometimes I fear that they’ll suggest that I feel this way because I lack ambition or drive. The solution is simple, just get out and stay busy. If I stay busy, I won’t have time for introspection. Yet thinking about my open schedule, in the end, makes me feel more hopeless and alas the vicious cycle continues. Thus, instead of opening up about my feelings, I just bottle them and either avoid talking or pretend to be busy. It’s a shame because I think I would be much happier if I could be myself instead of trying to be what I think the other person wants to hear.
I used to admire people, who were always happy. However, I’ve come to realize that happiness is a mask as well. Appearing happy can give the illusion of control. It keeps a person from being authentic. When asked how they are doing, the biggest lie people tell is that they are, “doing good.” The reality is that we are all struggling with something and we yearn to know that we are not alone. We yearn to be heard.
One of my favorite songs is Believe in Dreams by Flyleaf. One line, “For now Is it worth it to be sad If it’s harder to be glad To be alive,” stands out in particular. Sometimes it is hard to be glad, but it is also taxing to be sad and it is easy to be stuck in a vicious cycle. As the song reaches the chorus, it suggests that even though, “I wonder where do I belong
Is it here,” that I must continue to believe in my dreams and be able to express them to others how I feel.
In short, I think that we need to be more honest with. ourselves and with others as well as not be afraid to live our dreams. By believing in our dreams we can push through the sad hopelessness the pervades our modern society. By daring to be authentic we can strip off the mask that we wear and can encourage others to do the same.
 

Believe in Dreams by Flyleaf

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